Day five

And I don't regret a single moment that you took from me

or any of the words that I gave to you

I regret only that we slipped away to quickly and is wasn't what I thought would last

I don't frown when I think about the moments

That made every single piece of art in this world in comparison look dull

I regret only not taking full advantage

Of that fact that you were mine

And I was yours.

Day four

Counter tops and counter actions
Color blindness and kind reactions
Couples laughing while sadness rings
Continued conniptions that don't mean a thing.

Day three

Don't stop at words
letters fall and drop
they hit the ground like bombs
and just as they explode
so does everything else

Don't stop at feelings
emotions come just as quickly as they go
and when they fade away like mist
all we have is a naive idea of what's real

Don't stop at a touch
as your finger touches my skin
leaving marks on the rim
I'm left feeling the innocence
of where reality ends
and fairy tales begin

Don't stop when the walls are just falling down
When the leaves are changing
flowers blooming from the ground
give me all of you
don't stop at your skin
gives me what's underneath
to the core of where you begin.

Day two

There are some days in your life that are marked and noted in your mental journal by significant moments and for me today was one of those days.

We left Albuquerque, New Mexico today and headed for Tucson Arizona. The weather was cold, the bus warm and the road long. I was pretty excited about it because my host family gave me a book and I intended to read it. The book is called 'Into the wild,' and I had heard of the movie before but I wasn't familiar with the story.

I read all but the last twenty pages of the book during our almost 8 hour drive and I was moved to tears more times than I'm ready to admit. This book that follows the journey of a young man that ends up dying in the woods in Alaska did more than just tell me a cool story, instead it showed me what it's like to live without any borders.

The book is so interesting because it's such a tragic story of bravery and stupidity all bound together with the timeless idea that society has no right to tell you what to do or who to be.

I could have finished the book but I didn't, not yet. I know how it ends, I know that it's nonfiction and that it doesn't play out too well for the lead..I know what happens. Yet I can't finish it yet because I feel so invested in the faith that this guy had in himself and his abilities. It wasn't just something that he bragged about with no intention of ever actually pursuing his dreams. Instead he acted more than he spoke and left an impact on every single person that he encountered along his way and he wasn't even 25.

I think it's better to die covered in your failed attempt at a dream than live a life paved by the idea of "What ifs."

Tomorrow I will finish the book and I'm certain that I will cry. I will cry for young lives lost for brave souls that dare to take the route that isn't safe but makes them feel fulfilled and also for those who play it safe and will never know what it's like to dare to do something.


"The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." - Into the Wild. 

Day one.

It was good enough
but good enough
for me
never changed lives or made hearts race

So I left it
and as I walked away you yelled after me

"you'll regret this."

But I didn't

So Instead of counting it as a loss
I sorted it into the lines of missed misfortunes
and counted my blessings instead

So regret was something I never felt
but I still see what you meant.

Writing the wrongs.

I can't seem to muster up the feelings
to give this the respect its due

I thought at least we'd have a messy romance
filled with late nights
and sloppy kisses
and text messages that make no sense to anyone but us

Instead I seem to have nothing
and one would think that would make me feel
SOMETHING

but it doesn't

I say that if all we were allotted were broken pieces on the floor
then I'll thank God for the mess
if that's all I get with you
then it's more than never having you

Cause never having you....
even a you that's gone
No, that wouldn't be right
and something has to seem right about this
Doesn't it?

My sin covered dream

I don't want to settle into old skin
and sit on some old comfy couch with him

I don't want the simplicity
People say to hold on to the simple things
But I've never been simple at all

I'm complicated
I'm twisted metal
and dirt on a white dress

I'm surrounded by the unexpected
I can't remember what it's like to live the norm

So I can't call you my darling
Or just simply become your Mrs.

Instead I'll call you my monster
and I'll be your sin covered dream
and together we'll be unexpected
and coming apart at the seams

Fast and wild
unconditional
and real

when we stop reaching for perfection
we fall into place in the fairy tale theme
And when it stops making sense
we finally realize what it all means
 and that when it's meant to be it's exactly what it's cracked up to be...

 "Love is an untamed force."