The art of joyful patience.

2016! 

So far this year is not at all what I expected it to be. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... actually it's not a bad thing at all. 

This year, so far, has been a journey of extreme patience. I've learned that it's one thing to wait because what you want in life just hasn't happened yet and it's a completely different thing to wait because you choose to be obedient and to do it with joy. 

My life has gone from being a journey of waiting and counting down moments to a road of joyful expectation enjoying where I am now and preparing myself for what's to come. I've said before that happiness isn't a destination it's something that you carry with you and I think a lot of things could be explained that way. 

Love isn't a destination, peace isn't a destination, hope isn't a destination it's all things that you carry with you. If we think that once we get that promotion, that new car, that significant other, that dream job that our lives will fall into place then we're deceiving ourselves. 

I went from expecting things to just miraculously workout without much effort to seeing that my heart needed to change and I needed to adjust my perspective. The waiting period isn't a place of complacency it's a place of preparation it's a place of intentional progress, it's the most important place I've been in my life so far. 

Psalms 27:14 says "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." That scripture has been hanging at my desk for 7 months now but it wasn't until recently that I read it and really took in each word and let them resonate in my heart. I'm not waiting fearfully and begrudgingly for my life to start, rather I'm living life to the fullest filled with courage and strength being obedient to the father and giving him permission to order my steps. 

I know that in six months my life will be completely different. I'm excited to look back at my journal and blog and see how my thoughts and daily routine has changed. For now I'm focused on intentional patience, preparing myself for the life I want and making choices that will improve and advance my future.Most importantly, I'm saying "YES" to The Lords will in my life. I am making a vow to the Lord that I will acknowledge him with each move and decision that comes my way and allow his will and his path to be the one I take. 

2016, my year of glorious fulfillment! 

Find your cause...

Yesterday I listened to a sermon that aligned with a dream that corresponded with words that I've heard my whole life. "Find your cause." It spoke about how the world puts our worth in how much money we make and how many things we own but really it's not in any of that. At the end of our lives it won't be our money and our cars that make us smile as we breathe our last but instead it will be the causes that we burned for.

So....what do you burn for? What is the cause, the passion, the legacy that you're dedicating your life to?

It's not the easiest question to answer but at 26, with a life full of years ahead of me I find it terrifying and yet so exciting to think about. Why not start blazing a trail today? Not one that's ignited by what your parents want you to do or what your counselors are advising/ pushing you towards but instead the thing that makes YOU come alive.

So, my challenge, my question, the mission that I'm hoping you're willing to embark on this year is what is your cause? Not mine, not his, not hers but yours. What's inside of you that's dying to come out? Do you know it? Are you searching for it?

If so, I hope that everything around you, everything that you spend your time and energy on is working towards that cause. If not, I hope that you don't feel like a failure or like you're doing something wrong because you're not. I think that a lot of people aren't sure what they're destined to live, breathe and die for but there's no better day than today to find out.

This is your life and if you're not who you want to be and what you see around you everyday is not the reality you want to live, than it's time for a change, it's time to find your cause.

The mindset of freedom.

Yesterday I cut my hair. I went to the store, bought hair cutting scissors, went home, went in the bathroom and cut my hair. It was fantastic. As I palmed the curls and looked at my reflection I felt free. So free.

So what changed in my life from the moment that my hair was there to when it was all gone? Absolutely nothing. What changed was my mindset.

It's so incredible to me the power of the mind and how we let it steer us in different directions but in reality we're in control. I control what I entertain, I control what thoughts I let linger, I control what holds me hostage in my mind.

I was bound because I allowed myself to be. I tied freedom to a frivolous decision like cutting my hair when in reality the freedom was there the whole time. I'm very happy with my hair, I'm happy with my life and I'm happy with the freedom that I feel but it didn't come from yielding scissors. My freedom came from taking control and changing my mindset.

I will desperately seek you.

With gratitude I lift my hands in worship
With gratitude I lift my hands.

With outstretched fingers I reach for you

with open hearts and soft gazes 

we search the world for your presence

we search for a place for you 

where you can abide 

where you can be free

We search in vain because your dwelling place

your place of rest

your home...
 is within us.

Deep in our weary beings 

lies a spirit renewed and free

calling to be released into the lives of those that have yet to believe 

In our eyes are secrets

trapped within our faithless minds. 

screaming to be heard
calling for ears to vanquish disbelief. 

Come down from your high places

come out of your dungeons

and on level ground

we all hold hands and bask in the warmth of his love. 

Focus not on the pain, as it is fleeting

dwell not on the past, for it is gone for good

look not towards yourself, for flesh will always fail

but instead tilt your head and set your eyes on him. 

To the holiest of holy's he calls us home 

to the most sacred of grounds he beckons us to step 

with outstretched arms he calls our names and begs for an embrace

Oh, how he loves us. 

If you can't see
be encouraged when I say that you're simply blind. 

Oh, how he loves us.

Deep in our weary beings

lies a Spirit renewed and free

calling to be released into the lives of those that have yet to believe. 

And as life and death are redefined

right before our eyes

we'll take one last breath in this carnal mind 

and become transformed and are finally yours

Seek ye first the kingdom 

for it is the only things that lasts

the rest will rot in your hands

and become bitter the moment you realize it's sweet. 

For his dwelling place

is the only place

that 

I 

ever

want 

to

be...

I will desperately seek you. 

I will desperately seek you. 

I will desperately seek you, 

until my lungs have no more breath.

You are not a phase
not a right now trend,
you're my life
my love
my joy
my strength
and I will desperately seek you. 

2015: The year of new.

Holy moly, how is it already 2016? Five days into the new year and I'm already in disbelief at how quickly life changes and how abundant The Lord's love is. I'm really excited to post about my vision and plans for 2016 but first I think a review of 2015 is in order...so here are a few things that I learned last year.

1. Love is a tree.
When I picture love, when I describe love, when I imagine it in my head it always starts as a tree. True love is grounded, it's a firm foundation, it's strong. Love can withstand the strength of the wind and won't falter when being covered in heavy rains. Love provides shade, provides support, love changes in different seasons, it stands strong. Love is a choice and it can be uprooted by our hands but if we nurture it, it can grow. Love is a tree.

2. Transition is terrifying..
I thought that I was the kind of person that could move and have life change around me constantly and not be bothered by it and in 2015 I learned that's not true. The last six months of my life have been beautiful, scary, lovely and horrible. I've learned more than I ever thought I would and every time it seemed like I got my feet under me, things would change. I learned more about myself than I expected too and I hold dear the moments that I thought would break me and instead ended up refining me. Transition is terrifying and full of uncertainty...what an amazing teacher it is.

3, Reflection is key.
In Up with People, the company I work for, we spend a lot of time reflecting. This year I evaluated some aspects of my life and realized that I had been making the same mistakes, over and over again, so instead of repeating the process I began to reflect. Reflection helps us to learn from the past so that we can have a better future, 2015 helped me to see so many wrongs that in 2016 will be rights due to intentional reflection.

4. Expectations will break you...
When I first moved to Denver and started my new job I had so many expectations. I am quite the optimistic person, no shame about that but my expectations were so big that it didn't give much room for reality. I think it's so important to dream big and to reach for the stars with that being said I also think it's important to know that life happens no matter where you reside. With every upset and unexpected challenge comes either the chance to learn or a chance to be discouraged. After my fair share of discouragement I'm excited to start learning and growing from life.

5. Your posture will affect your perspective.
For maybe three weeks during this past year I let myself get into a really big funk. I was sad, nothing here was good enough and I just wasn't seeing all that God had for me in my current situation. One day I remember feeling so down and out and looking in the mirror and not recognizing what was staring back at me. It was at that moment that I decided to change my perspective. Life will never be perfect, it will never be problem less, it will never be only sunshine and rainbows and that's okay. Life is beautiful. Life is warm. Life is loving. I control my perspective, I control how I decide to feel and I choose happiness.

6. Happiness is not a destination it's where you are.
You won't be happier when you get that new job. You won't be happier when you get married. You won't be happier when you have children. If you're not happy now, if you can't find the joy in here you won't find it there. Happiness is where you are and as I become more and more content with my life and my journey I learn that happiness travels with you, it doesn't meet you there.

7. God is faithful
The one thing that has remained through all of my trials and struggles and weird days is the sense that God will never leave me nor forsake me. A few months ago I read a scripture in Matthew and in it The Lord says that he will be with us always, even unto the end of the world. I have this weird insecurity of being forgotten, of being left or being abandoned and to know that the God of the universe will never leave me...it was and still is life changing. God is so faithful and I'm so lucky to call him mine.

Oh 2015, may the problems and the pains be left behind me as I tuck the lessons and the memories under my arm. Before me lies success, before me lies hope, before me lies the brightest of futures. Here's to 2016, the year of fulfillment.

Come on home...

I've got a box full of bones and a brain that's inside out
empty hands longing for something to hold
and a dream hanging from the door post collecting dust.

In six days time
I'll be bag in hand
headed to the next town.

Every thing around me is saturated in you
your scent
your laugh
your hurt
your stains

I'm leaving this place and I'm never looking back
I've learned from the mistakes
of every Lot's wife I've met
you're the last one

You're the last one...

It's time to go home.

When your heart bleeds for more than you can hold...

This has been quite the year, quite the last six months actually. My life has been in this huge transition process and every time I think it's almost over God shows me another area where I need to make adjustments.

I'm starting to think that life in general is a constant adjustment process. Whether you're adjusting to a new job, a new addition to the family, a boyfriend, a spouse there's always adjustments to be made.

With that being said one area where I've made a lot of adjustments is what I allow to occupy my time. Since I started focusing less on things that in my opinion don't matter I've noticed that my heart has become so much softer to what I think are things that are closer to The Lords heart. So much so to the point where I'm starting to realize that I can't help everyone and I can't do everything even though I want too.

I feel called to ministry. With all of my heart and with every fiber of my being I feel like The Lord is calling me to spend my days pursuing his heart and leading souls to his kingdom. Now whether that means I pursue music ministry or become a missionary or something else I'm not sure but I know it's going to be a career that is centered around leading souls to him.

BUT I'm also really passionate about human trafficking, did you know that it's the third largest criminal industry in the world? Also I'm passionate about gun control and with the most recent incident in California being the 355th mass shooting in the country this year I think it's time for a change. Also I'm passionate about education and women's rights and global poverty and all of the kids around the world that don't have food to eat or access to a sanitary place to use the restroom.

My heart breaks for what's going on in this world and as much as I try to be strong there are times where I find myself lost in tears because of things I don't know how to stop but want too. So what do I do? What do you do when you want to help everyone?

Well, I think the first thing to do is to remember that just because you can't help everyone doesn't mean that you can't help someone. I feel very blessed to have a heart that's so moved by the world and what happens in it. I would much rather be the type of person that cries after writing another letter to politicians about gun control or fills their schedule with volunteer opportunities than someone who is unmoved by the tragedies that so often surround us.

I plan to seek God for what he wants me to dedicate my life too and I hope everyone who reads this does the same. Lets all aim to make the world a better place and begin everyday like we're on a mission to leave everyone we meet better than we found them.

We can't help everyone but that doesn't mean that we can't help someone. Below I've listed different organizations that I support that actively work to eliminate different issues in the world if you have a second please check them out and see how you can make a difference!

A21 Campaign: Aims to abolish injustice in the 21st century- A21.org

worldtoilet.org: A non-profit committed to improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.

The Global poverty Project- Aims to end Global poverty by 2030 - globalpovertyproject.com

To Write Love on Her Arms - An organization dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA.com