For the record... it's all about the youth.

I mentioned it once before but just in case it didn’t get to everyone, I work in a school. It’s a nontraditional school and something that I love about it, is the amount of freedom that I have there. I’m able to pull students out of class to meet with them, access tons of information and (the part that led to this post) I’m able to sit in on classes whenever I want.

Sitting in on a high school class may not sound that exciting to you but when you have a group like Youth on Record facilitating in your school, I promise you that class becomes way more appealing. Youth on Record is a program that believes that all young people, even those who are at risk or have been written off, have the potential to turn their lives around. Youth on Record works with what they call culturally relevant artists around Denver and use them to reach students and help them to transition to college, the workforce and advanced technical training.

The reason why I wanted to sit in on the class is because every single day at about 1:25, I walk by their room and I hear rap music and a very passionate voice leading the discussion. I don’t know about you but rap music isn’t usually my thing but I’m ALWAYS interested in talking to someone who is passionate about it. Also, anyone who uses rap music in a school day lesson is definitely a person that I want to interact with.

So on Wednesday, I made it my mission to experience the Youth on Record magic. When I walked into the classroom I was met by two African American men leading the group…one tall with curly hair peeking out of fitted hat and the other slightly shorter, moderately tattooed with a welcoming smile hiding behind a full beard. If you know me at all, you know that I was sold the moment I saw them. These guys oozed sincerity and a grounded coolness that I think most kids don’t experience from their teachers.

Notebook in hand and a dorky grin on my face, I asked if I could sit in on the class and they both eagerly said “of course.” They started the class with a story from Greek mythology about destiny. They explained with the illustration that at times your circumstances may try and stand in your way but if you’re committed if you’re invested, you can still reach your full potential and achieve your destiny.

As they concluded the story they gave the class a prompt to write about and encouraged them to be honest with themselves and write from the heart. I initially only intended to observe but the prompt intrigued me so much that I had to participate. They asked us “How do you differ from the stereotype that you’re supposed to be?” So essentially, how do we intentionally or even unintentionally break the stereotypes that are associated with our gender, race, sexuality, nationality and even economic background in our everyday life?

They gave us about twenty minutes or so to write and then asked the class to share. Most of the stories that were shared, by the kids that I have the pleasure of working with, were stories of pain and loss, mistakes and failures. The stories were filled with times where they 100% met the stereotypes that they were associated with despite their initial desires to DO and BE more. Though they're only high school students their stories shared moments of heartbreak and discouragement that most adults will never experience.

As I sat and listened to their stories, I was ashamed by the thought that maybe my perception of them has been skewed by stereotypes. I do my best to come in everyday with a heart full of love for each and every single student that I work with. With that being said, I can’t help but to think that maybe I would treat them differently if I had no preconceived notions or ideas about who they are and the mistakes they’ve made.

This weekend I plan to really examine my heart and what it's filled with. I want to explore it and sit with it and determine if the things inside of me give room for people to show me who they are despite what they look like or the mistakes they've made. I want to give people the same room to be themselves and to break stereotypes and assumptions, that I would hope that they would give me. 

So I guess the point I’m trying to make with all of this is that no one is JUST a “punk” or a “bad kid” there’s always something more to the story always another layer to them. I encourage you to examine yourself the next time you pass a homeless person, or a kid with their pants below their butt or a girl with “slutty” clothes on, what are your initial thoughts of them and where they come from? If you took the time to sit and talk with them would those thoughts hold any weight? 

Until next time gang. XXOXOXX 

The importance of silence.

It's not very often that I sit alone in a quiet room and just listen. Listen to the roar of the silence, the whisper of the Lords voice, the chatter going on in my brain.

I've been trying to figure out what to write about all day. I wrote two different posts and though they're not complete garbage and I saved them, neither of them felt like the right one to present to you. It was almost like I was not being sincere like I wasn't being true to what was really going on, both came across as shallow. As vulnerable as I tried to be in them they just didn't seem to go deeper than surface level.

So I stopped and just laid on the floor. I literally laid down on the floor of my bedroom, on my back and I tried to find the silence in my ever so noisy heart. I tried to find the topic, the poem, the reason for a post that would serve readers and I came up empty handed. So I decided to go out of my comfort zone and to meditate.

I know a lot of people that meditate. When I traveled in Up with People a lot of my colleagues and the students that traveled with us would meditate to get through the tour. I never considered myself to be the mediation type. I'm more of a go for a run and journal to unwind type of gal, I never really understood the importance of sitting in silence, until today that is.

Just this afternoon one of my co-workers told me about an app called insight timer, she told me that she uses it as a guide for her meditations. To be nice, I downloaded the app and told her that I would try it sometime, not expecting to ever use it. Not expecting to come home and to try and write, try and spend a few hours in my passion and instead spend an hour writing and rewriting words that meant nothing.

So I decided to try it. I went on the app and opened up a guided meditation called "Centering prayer:It is time" and I pressed play. The meditation was 34 minutes long and I'll admit I only got through 15 minutes of it, but that quarter of an hour was exactly what I needed to produce this.

The meditation started with soft airy sounds and the voice of a woman, a woman speaking about my favorite thing in the whole world,The Lord. As she spoke she led me through breathing techniques and instructed me to be aware of my body and then said a word of prayer before going into moments of silence. As I set there, on my floor in my completely silent apartment I felt so connected to God and to myself. I went from seeking after something to write about, to the perfect topic finding me.

This week I had a friend tell me that sometimes God speaks to us in a loud booming voice and other times he comes in a whisper, in a still small voice. I think that often times my mind is going so fast and my ears are tuned to so much noise that I miss the whispers, the still small voices, I miss the beauty of the silence.

I don't know if I'll start meditating everyday or if I'll only do it every few weeks but the peace that I feel right now, the calm that is resting on my shoulders is a welcomed feeling. For all my busy millennial friends reading this, I hope that this weekend or even today that you take a moment or two to embrace the silence. Coming from the busiest bee in town, you won't regret it.

Until next time friends. XOXO

How to work your brain while improving your body.

If you ever happen to run into me at the gym you'll find me sweaty, exhausted, focused and with headphones in. What you won't find me doing while I'm working out is listening to the latest Spotify playlist or Pandora radio but rather a Podcast and here's why.

A few months ago a really good friend of mine introduced me to Podcasts. I know, they've been around for  like, I don't know a while but I honestly never even thought to listen to one and didn't really know what would be the benefit of doing so. She told me about Podcasts like Serial and This American Life and that's where I started.

Once I realized that I'm not a Serial girl or murder mystery person at all for that matter, I started browsing different options and asking around. After some investigation work I realized that a lot of my favorite authors, ministers and TV hosts had Podcasts. So I went on a downloading spree and put everything that caught my eye on my phone, I was hooked!

I admit, most of the things I downloaded I didn't get around to listening too and the reason is that I found a solid group of about 5 that I couldn't get enough of. I would listen to them in the car, when I was at my desk at work, in my bedroom before falling asleep and eventually I started listening to them at the gym.

The first time I listened to a Podcast while working out I had planned to run a mile and then to do a workout with weights but I got so into it that I ended up running 3 miles without even realizing it. As I was stretching I kind of felt weird and like it must have just been a really interesting episode but the next day I got caught up again and then the next day and then the next.

After the fourth day, I went home and felt like I had not only had an amazing workout but I had learned something really cool in the process. From that day forward I decided to change the way I saw gym time. Instead of looking at the gym as just a place where I could push my body to the limit it was also becoming a place where I could have my beliefs challenged, learn a new skill, discover a new author and MORE.

I'm going to share with you the three podcasts that I listen to the most. There are other ones that I check out now and then but these three are the ones that I look forward to listening too each week and have impacted my life the most so far.

1.  The School of Greatness by Lewis Howes. This is one that I really enjoy. On every episode of School of Greatness, Lewis Howes, the host,  interviews different entrepreneurs, athletes, motivational speakers, authors etc.. that have made a name for themselves in their industry. He essentially gives them a platform to tell their story and how they've reached their level of success so that others who aspire to follow the same path can be inspired and empowered with real life stories, tricks and advice.

2. Equip the Saints by Chris Cruz. Chris Cruz is a pastor at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry and Tribe Young Adults at Bethel Redding. The aim of the podcast is to make heaven and earth one and to do that by exploring what an authentic display of Christ looks like in all of our lives and in the lives of the leaders that Chris interacts with. I'm not kidding when I say that the things that I've learned from this podcast have literally changed my life. I would recommend this to any believer or someone wanting to learn more about faith!

3. Bethel Church: This podcast is a little unique in the way that it's not a specific person but rather every sermon that is preached at Bethel Church in Redding. I like this one a lot as well because I really enjoy the preaching staff at Bethel and since I don't live in California it gives me an opportunity to listen in on the services without the travel costs.

I could go beyond three but we'll leave it at that for now. I hope that if you're not a podcast person that you give them a chance after reading this and if you're a 100%, ride or die for podcast type of kid, I would love to know what some of your favorites are so that I can workout to them in the future!

Until next time gang! XOXO

16 Golden truths in my Golden year!

Last year I turned 26 on October 26th and so began my Golden year or as I like to call it, my year of glorious fulfillment. I was praying about what the topic of the blog should be today and I feel like maybe sharing some truths about myself, being vulnerable and real about my life would be a good idea. After reading this post, if you get through all 16 things, you'll know more about this girl that's just trying to live a life that means something. Enjoy!

1. I'm extremely sentimental. I keep every letter and note that anyone every writes me, even silly ones and every birthday card that anyone ever sends me. There's something about knowing that someone thought enough of you to take time out of their day to write you a note =)

2. I HATE cats but I love kittens.

3. I love public speaking. I love getting in front of a group and sharing my heart or discussing a topic that I have some level of expertise on. I feel like I've been blessed with the gift of public speaking so when anyone asks me to speak in front of a group I get super jazzed.

4. I am disgusted by the thought of going to bed and actually falling asleep with socks on.

5. In 2011 I had one of the most realistic and world changing dreams of my life so far and I'm convinced that one day it's going to come true. Because of that dream, I believe that I'll have at least three kids and the third one will be a boy and his name will be Mason.

6. My favorite numbers are 4 and 16.

7. My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird. The reason why I love this book so much is because it deals with such a heavy topic yet it's approached from such an innocent and sincere perspective. Harper Lee was such a mastermind with words and I'm truly saddened by the fact that we only have two full pieces of literature from such a legend.

8. My favorite color is purple.

9. I use sarcasm as tool to keep people at an arms length distance in relationships. I have a lot of friends but I wouldn't say that a lot of those people truly know me and that's 100% my fault. I struggle with connecting to people on a level that is intimate and real and not just fun and that's definitely something that I'm working on.

10. I LOVE dogs. One day I'm going to own the cutest labradoodle the world has ever seen.

11. Even though I'm single I know for a fact that I'm going to get married one day. I have never had a successful relationship, that's mostly because I never wanted to be in one and because I always went after the wrong kinds of guys. With that being said, thinking about the journey that God has me on and how I've changed SO much even in the last six months I have no doubt that I'm going to get married and that I'll have the life I want.

12. I can not stand being hot....can't stand it!

13. I used to struggle a lot with food and having healthy eating and fitness habits. Now that I'm older and I've learned a lot about the body and the mind and have grown to truly love myself I still struggle with maintaining a healthy passion for fitness. It's hard for me when I see people who are thinner than I am or more fit than me but I have to remind myself that the only person that I'm competing against is the person I was yesterday and no one else. I feel like I'm at a good place where I'm mentally trying to keep the "why" of my fitness journey in clear view and not focusing on a scale or other people that take away from that healthy and loving perspective.

14. My spirit animal is Mr. Moose.

15. My relationship with the The Lord has grown so much since last summer and I can't help but to mention it in this post. I went from going through the motions in my prayer life and even church to truly coming alive in Christ. I still have SOOO much to learn and so many areas where I need to grow but I'm so glad that I'm not doing this alone and that he's with me, in me and always for me!

16. I've learned that my story is not going to match the story lines that I'm used too, ones that I've seen in movies and in the lives of people around me. Though my life hasn't at all been what I thought it was going to be, it doesn't mean that it's not all going according to plan.

The quest for identity.

Ephesians 2:10 "We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

I decided to start this post with a scripture because I believe that it sets the tone for what the post will be about. Today, I want to talk about identity.

For years, I struggled with who I was. I felt like I was supposed to be short even though I was tall, that I should be bone thin even though I was thick, that I should have straight hair even though it was curly and so much more.

For a long time I longed to have a life that was better. I thought that with more money, a smaller waist, a nice car and a cute guy on my arm that I would suddenly have status. I thought that I would suddenly know who I was and so would everyone else around me, I thought that I would discover my identity. NOT true at all.

I've talked before about happiness and how it's something that you carry with you and not find and I think identity and who you are is similar to that. My journey to finding out who I truly am and becoming secure and rooted in my identity started almost a year ago when I started to discover the heart of Christ.

In June of 2015, I had an experience at church that completely changed my life, I'll share in detail on that in another post but from there on I couldn't stop reaching, running, thirsting... after the father. The Lord took away my shame and gave me acceptance, took away my pain and gave me hope, he turned my darkness into light and my feelings of abandonment into adoption.

As I've continued to seek to know him more and continue to read the word and books on living life with the Father, I realize that I've been fed so many lies my entire life about who I am and who I'm supposed to be. Instead of listening to my parents that would always speak life into me, I listened to social media and books and pictures from magazines.

I think we all struggle with insecurity at times, with looking in the mirror and not being 100% satisfied with what we see and I've found that the only way to truly fight that is to bring yourself back to truth and tell yourself who you are.

You are chosen, without blemish, loved, worth dying for, perfect in the eyes of the father and you're his own.

When I feel moments of doubt or insecurity I remind myself that God loves me so much and he made me just the way that I am! I am a masterpiece! I was made for a purpose! I am not just occupying space rather I'm fulfilling the will of the king! The lies of insecurity have no place to rest their head when truth comes to town.

I hope that you read this, whether you're a believer or not and that you know that every single thing about you is valuable and every single fiber of your being is loved!

Father, I pray that anyone who reads this and is struggling with identity that today they see themselves through your eyes. Lord help them to see that they're adopted and chosen and made with intention and a specific purpose in mind.  I say no to identity crisis in Jesus name and yes to truth!

Why I stopped reading the comments....

About a month ago, I had the honor of being featured in a video on BuzzFeed. In the middle of January BuzzFeed posted a status and asked for video submissions for Black History month for a video dedicated to black fathers. I saw the status and almost immediately made a video and sent it in and was presently surprised a week later when I was contacted to sign a release form.

When the video came out I got so many messages from friends who had seen it and they made me so excited to watch it myself. When I saw it, I was and still am so pleased with how sincere all of the submissions were and how BuzzFeed compiled them in such a thoughtful way.

After I watched the video I was curious to know what people thought about it so I read the comments. I don’t know why I thought that I would find comments that were sweet and considerate of the feelings of those featured. I thought that I would find comments that would reflect the spirit and community feel of the video but man was I way off.

The majority of the comments that I saw were insensitive, racist, crude and so hateful. I wanted to stop at one  but just like a bad car accident you think it’s awful but you can’t help but to slow down and stare.

Just to give you a taste of what I saw in the comments on the video about MY dad, I’ve pasted some below:

“I thought this video would be a lot of ‘Where you at though”

“There would be less crimes if black dads stopped leaving their kids,”

“lol how pathetic that when speaking about black fathers in general you have to start with ‘when you’re around”

“What’s the difference between a black man and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family.”

After reading these comments and more and more and more like them, I got off of my computer; I went for a walk and made a decision to for one whole month stop reading the comments section.

I admit that this idea was a long time coming but this video, one that gave me a platform to talk about how awesome my father is, that was made a joke and belittled in the comments section was 100% the icing on the cake.

I took a break from the comments section because I no longer wanted something that I thought was beautiful to be tainted by the hate of others. I took a break from the comments section because I wanted time to decide what I thought about a topic before being bombarded by the opinions and thoughts of others. I took a break from the comments section because I wanted room to let something be sad or important in my life without being told that “it’s not that big of a deal.”

After not reading the comments section for a month I can honestly say that my life is filled with less hate and misguided aggression. I find that I have more conversations with the people around me about topics that matter. Now, instead of just searching for articles and reading other people’s opinions I’m working hard to form and develop my own.

I’m so open to having tough discussions and diving into topics of race, politics, religion and so much more but not with people that spew hate behind the comfort of their computer screens. I stopped reading the comments because they stopped serving and developing me and instead began to fill my eyes with words of malice and hate. This was only supposed to go on for a month but I think that reading the comments section, if I decide to start doing that again, will be the exception in my life and not the rule.

 I hope that this blog, if nothing else, gives you permission to care, be offended, to love and to cry without someone that you don’t even know or even someone that you do know telling you that you can’t.

May the comments never tell you that your dad is a “dead beat” or “non-existent” when in reality he’s the most present, loving, consistent and responsible man alive!  I’m the luckiest daughter in the world to have a dad like mine and there’s not a comment in the world that could change that.  

The art of joyful patience.

2016! 

So far this year is not at all what I expected it to be. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... actually it's not a bad thing at all. 

This year, so far, has been a journey of extreme patience. I've learned that it's one thing to wait because what you want in life just hasn't happened yet and it's a completely different thing to wait because you choose to be obedient and to do it with joy. 

My life has gone from being a journey of waiting and counting down moments to a road of joyful expectation enjoying where I am now and preparing myself for what's to come. I've said before that happiness isn't a destination it's something that you carry with you and I think a lot of things could be explained that way. 

Love isn't a destination, peace isn't a destination, hope isn't a destination it's all things that you carry with you. If we think that once we get that promotion, that new car, that significant other, that dream job that our lives will fall into place then we're deceiving ourselves. 

I went from expecting things to just miraculously workout without much effort to seeing that my heart needed to change and I needed to adjust my perspective. The waiting period isn't a place of complacency it's a place of preparation it's a place of intentional progress, it's the most important place I've been in my life so far. 

Psalms 27:14 says "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." That scripture has been hanging at my desk for 7 months now but it wasn't until recently that I read it and really took in each word and let them resonate in my heart. I'm not waiting fearfully and begrudgingly for my life to start, rather I'm living life to the fullest filled with courage and strength being obedient to the father and giving him permission to order my steps. 

I know that in six months my life will be completely different. I'm excited to look back at my journal and blog and see how my thoughts and daily routine has changed. For now I'm focused on intentional patience, preparing myself for the life I want and making choices that will improve and advance my future.Most importantly, I'm saying "YES" to The Lords will in my life. I am making a vow to the Lord that I will acknowledge him with each move and decision that comes my way and allow his will and his path to be the one I take. 

2016, my year of glorious fulfillment!