The empty grave.

And if your bones bend back together
and the grave rejects your stay
as your heart starts beating
with renewed life what would you say?

3.21.15

If it's any consolation
you're not any more lost than you were
before he left.


In case this helps
he still whispers your name
at night
when he sleeps.

This might not make you feel better
but I asked him if he loved me
and he said not yet
not until the last one sets him free.

You're the last one.

I don't think you realize what you did to him
to us.

All you can think about are the bruises on your heart
and the feelings that you're getting as they fade.
but every night I try to wipe away his scars
the ones you left
and realize that some things never change.

So I'll write you this letter
with the meanest intentions
and hope that my anger fades from the paper
before you read it
and the words you have to say to him burst into flames
 in your mouth
before you speak them.

He was perfect
and you the monster that changed his innocent ways.

I don't think I hate you...
but maybe I do.
And that maybe is the strongest truth.

3.18.15

But today, for once, I'll let myself get stopped in my tracks
and scream words filled with context to the sky

I'll wipe away the agenda as the new plans fills the page
and I'll do all this in memory of your name

When they tell me what to do I'll move in silence
And work around the usual and old me
If they tell me what happened I'll drown out every single word
Because all that matters is the world is missing you.

So I'll take what's left of it and make a movie
And fill the scenes with images that tell your tale
And as they watch their eyes will fill with pain and sorrow
Knowing that our tomorrows came before yours ever will

I'll write page after page just for your name
So that it will never be forgotten or replaced
I'll sing songs that ring with tales of your childhood
And make sure to live the life that you never could

Please forgive me as I walk away from the mourners
Who knew so little yet seem to cry more than I can stomach
Don't judge me for calling them all impostors
That want the attention but never wanted the weight of being your friend.

My only regret is that I really should have loved you
More than you ever asked or wanted me too
I should have wrapped you in the patient arms of Jesus
And let him wipe away all the hurt you wish you never knew.

Sleep peacefully and I pray you want for nothing
As the silence of step two fills your ears
Embrace the love that I hope now surrounds you
and don't look back because all you'd see is our tears.

I'll wait for them to leave before I reenter
And leave the book of you open and your movie on replay
As they read they'll hear your laughter fill the room
And see your stories move like angels on the page.

Day seven

And I'll stop at the bank
To cash all your lies
Your mouth says one thing
But the truth I can't find...

Day six

I once had a dog

before him

I had never taken care of anything but myself

Then we picked him up

His name had eight letters

I still use them today to protect my secrets

My dog

That I once had

A long time ago

Rocked the world with each lift of his giant paws

and his absence sent waves through my life

What a companion he was

I once had a best friend

That sat with me when I was sad

and listened to my fears

that friend was always there to give me hugs

To fill my life with love

To soften all the blows

To wipe away tears....

I remember when I had a dog.

Day five

And I don't regret a single moment that you took from me

or any of the words that I gave to you

I regret only that we slipped away to quickly and is wasn't what I thought would last

I don't frown when I think about the moments

That made every single piece of art in this world in comparison look dull

I regret only not taking full advantage

Of that fact that you were mine

And I was yours.

Day four

Counter tops and counter actions
Color blindness and kind reactions
Couples laughing while sadness rings
Continued conniptions that don't mean a thing.