From 26 year old me, to you.

The longer I live the more I learn about life, love and these beautiful creatures called humans that inhabit this earth. The longer I live, the more I learn about myself and where all of my mannerisms and behaviors come from.

Today, I want to share with you three random life things that I think are valuable. Things that I strive to keep in mind when flowing through this wild experience. All of these things were taught to me by people that I not only love very much but more importantly, that I respect and look up to. Check em out, put them in your volt if you think that they're valuable and feel free to leave them right here if you don't.

1. The power of a name.
One of the sweetest sounds to a person's ears is the sound of their own name. There is so much power in remembering someones name when you meet them and using it in conversation. When I have a waiter/ waitress I always make sure to ask their name and use it during the time that they're serving our table. When I call a customer service line, I do my best to remember their name and to thank them by name at the end of the call. Learning and using someone's name not only brightens their day and reminds them of their value, but it also empowers you to listen more than you talk and to ask more questions than you answer.

2. Treat the CEO the same way as the janitor.
I've mentioned this before in my blog but our worth and our value is not found in what job we do and what positions we hold. We are loved by the Father and he sent his son to die for every single one of us. Now, most people won't tell you this, but if you live as if everyone is important, as if we're all on the same playing field and treat everyone with care and respect you'll have so much favor in this world. So whether they own the company or they clean it, aim to treat them with as much kindness and respect as you can.

3. Listen more than you speak.
We live in a time where social media gives everyone a platform to express how they feel about every topic under the sun. Whether they're sharing their thoughts on politics or oppression or the latest celebrity scandal everyone feels the need to be heard. How many of us are taking the time to listen? I've been listening to a lot of speakers and preachers lately and the biggest trend I've noticed is a call for their congregations to aim to understand before being understood. To strive to be the type of person that takes the time to listen to the pain, anger and heartache of another before sharing your views. To be courteous enough to lend an ear before sharing a post. How many problems in this world would be solved by us taking the time to listen rather than taking advantage of every moment we have to speak?

In less than a week I'm going to be turning 27. I will be spending my birthday in Portland, Oregon exploring a new city by myself and I am beyond excited for my trip. As I phase into this new year of life I pray that I'm the type of person that doesn't just share my opinion, but values and listens to the opinions of others.

Thank you checking this post out and for supporting me on this blogging journey. The next time you hear from me, I won't be 26 anymore and what a glorious day that will be.

Until next time friends! Xoxo.

The right to speak.

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you; breathe and allow things to pass."

Growing up the things that people would say to me would come in one ear, float around my heart and pull up a chair to stay forever. I was so easily moved by the words that my siblings would throw my way that even when they were kidding around, odds are that I would end up crying.

Years of experience, going to college, traveling the world...it's all toughened me up a bit. I'm not as sensitive as I used to be. Words don't just fly by me but they definitely don't take root in my soul like they used to.

With that being said, lately, I've found the sensitivity and the knee jerk reaction to respond harshly or be easily angered trying to creep it's way back into my life.

When it comes to subjects that I'm very  passionate about like the Black Lives Matter movement, my faith/ the church community and our current political situation my patience has started to run so thin. I've struggled in engaging in conversations with people who have differing opinions and find myself mentally shutting down when I start to hear comments and views that I think are ignorant.

Saturday I went for an almost two hour walk in my neighborhood by myself. I went to my favorite coffee shop, got a large cup of coffee to go and just started walking. I laughed, I sang, I spent time with God and towards the end I felt like the Father was challenging my opinions and views and the way I express them.

I felt a soft nudge on my heart encouraging me to not only develop an opinion, but also develop a confidence. A confidence that allows me to engage in conversation with someone and still be passionate as well as open to the possibility that I may be wrong about some things. An openness that allows me to grow in my beliefs while still being grounded in my values.

If I'm being completely honest I think that sometimes when people disagree with me it makes me feel like my opinion and my views are wrong. There are times when I'm having a discussion, especially with men, where I feel like I need to provide irrefutable proof for every single view that I have and that I need to do it at rapid speed. If I can't express what I believe, in ten seconds or less, with facts and data to back it up than I must not have a foundation for my opinion.

Those feelings stem not only from insecurity but also from the subtle influence of a culture of oppression and the silencing/discrediting of women. They stem from the idea that I need to know everything about a topic before I can openly express my opinion about it and that's not true at all. The mindset that your opinion can't ever change about a certain topic and if it does then you probably didn't believe in it in the first place is so deeply flawed.

We as humans are not stagnant beings. If our minds never change about a topic it's because we're choosing to stay in that place. Life is all about growing, learning and developing and one of the ways that we do that is through conversations with people that make us feel safe enough to be wrong and supported enough to learn.

It's in those spaces that we develop the confidence needed to hold our own and not be rattled when surrounded by the angry, hurtful and often aggressive views that are thrown our way.

I'm only a few weeks away from turning 27 and as I approach that awesome day I do so with the resolve to become more open minded, loving and grounded in my convictions. I want others to feel safe to share their views and opinions with me, even if I disagree with them and I want to be able to have that same experience.

More than anything, I want to be firmly rooted and confident in who I am in Christ. Whether someone agrees with me, calls my opinion stupid, thinks that I don't have the right to speak up...whatever. None of that changes my identity and that should be validation enough.

Whether I'm writing my blog or boldly standing up for something I believe in, I feel so blessed to be able to use the beautiful voice that God gave me to exercise my right to speak.

A Better Way to Pray.

About a month or so ago my older brother tagged me in a post on Facebook. It was on the page of a well-known Pastor based in Colorado Springs and it was reaching out to bloggers and writers to give them the opportunity to review one of his books before it's re-release.

I thought to myself "what the heck, it's worth a shot," emailed them a link to my blog and my Facebook and waited for a response. A few days later I got an email telling me that they had reviewed my content and believed that it aligned well with their mission and message and that attached I would find a copy of the book.

The book is called A Better Way to Pray and it's written by preacher and author Andrew Wommack. I was introduced to Andrew Wommack and his teachings years ago by my father and I've followed his work ever since.

I'm really excited to share my thoughts about the content of this book but also to share with you some things that I took from it that I think are beneficial.

Let me just start by saying that if you've never heard Andrew Wommack preach or read one of his books before, he has a very distinct tone. His words, though filled with love, are quite direct. He doesn't hold back with his use of exclamation points and he words things in a way that makes sure that the message is always very clear.

I often found myself laughing out loud while reading this book because I could hear his voice jumping out from the pages and I couldn't help but to giggle.

With that being said the message within the pages, though at times convicting, is truly life changing. While taking notes I found that there were so many things that stood out to me that to try and write about them all would take up too much space. So instead I decide to point out three keys thoughts that really stuck with me from the book and last but certainly not least how the book has affected my prayer life.

1. The importance of thanks.

Whatever we focus on is magnified. If we focus on our issues, they grow bigger but if we focus on our gratitude it becomes the biggest thing in our lives. Prayer is a time where we can lavish God with our thanks and gratitude towards him.

Does God needs to hear us say thank you? No, not necessarily but when we spend time thanking God for what he's done for us and acknowledge our many blessings our problems become so small in comparison. Chapter 5 entitled Make a prayer sandwich emphasizes the importance of starting and ending our prayers with praise and thanksgiving. It's through that process that we magnify God and all that he's done for us instead of magnifying our problems.

When we begin our prayer time by expressing our gratitude by the time we get to our requests we're not only reminded of how small they are but more importantly how BIG God is. I encourage you to spend  the first five minutes of your prayer time thanking and praising God. I think that you'll be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

2. The primary purpose of prayer.

The primary purpose of prayer is not receiving from God, yes that is A purpose but not THE purpose. Prayer is a time of fellowship, intimacy and relationship with Christ. God knows every single thing that we need in this life. The Lord knows that we need to eat and make money and provide for our families, he knows these things. When we come to him constantly making requests, he's not upset but we're missing the true blessing that comes from prayer.

Prayer is a time for us to commune with God. It's a time for us to share our lives with him, to laugh, to cry, to simply invite him into the most intimate parts of our souls. This book reminded me that God is not just some magical genie waiting to grant our wishes. Rather he's a father, waiting to be invited into the lives and hearts of his children. A Better Way to Pray emphasizes the fact that God wants us to talk to him not only about our problems and our concerns but also about the things that make us come alive.

God wants to be our closest friend and most intimate relationship and prayer is a time for us to build that dynamic with him. I invite you to explore the beautiful relationship that you can have with Christ by spending your prayer time getting to know him rather than just getting things from him.

3. Loving God is all that matters.

We were CREATED for intimacy with Christ. It's almost to simple to grasp but it's the truth,we were solely created for the purpose of loving and being loved by him.

Of course, when you love someone, you desire to do their will and to do the things that make them happy but if all we ever did on this earth was love God, he wouldn't be upset with us. Through this book I was reminded that God is love and everything that he does and everything that he calls us to do comes down to that same thing. It is and will always be about loving God with all that we have.

God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins so that we could spend our days in fellowship with the king. When we realize that Jesus is not our escape route but rather our invitation to community, we are then able to enter into a life filled with love and a relationship with our best friend, Jesus Christ.

Ways that my prayer life has changed.

After reading this book, I realized that the majority of my prayer life and my relationship with Christ has been spent seeking things instead of just basking in his love. I realized that though I claim 'Christian' as the most important title to my name that I rarely take God at his word believing that he'll do what he says he's going to do. I realized that though I'm willing to walk away from relationships for my 'beliefs' that I don't even truly know the God that I'm claiming to have devoted my life to.

I didn't walk away from this book feeling condemned or bad about myself but rather I walked away from it feeling like I was about to embark on a life changing journey. I finished this book and I honestly felt so much freedom. This book equipped me with the tools, the confidence and the knowledge of who God is to be able to pray in a way that's not only effective but also a way that edifies and glorifies God.

Now the adventure starts to make this not just knowledge floating around in my head but rather something that I believe and know to be true in my heart.

I know that this post was EXTREMELY long but this book has truly given me a new thirst for God and who he is. It's made me realize that in John 10:10 when it says that Christ came that we may have life and have it more abundantly that it involves so much MORE than what I've experienced with him so far.

For those of you who are interested in checking out this book, I have an extra copy and would love to send it to one of you! Comment your name and email address below and in a few days I'll randomly pick a name and send that lucky person a copy!

Until next time friends.
XoXo

The authentic artist.

In my life I've found so much freedom and inspiration from writers and artists who have been able to portray their authentic selves through their craft. People who put it all on the line, every disappointment, every single moment of success, it was all out there for everyone to see.

Those people changed the way that I pursued and consumed media. I no longer sought after a superficial and empty reality but rather I craved authenticity. I had a seemingly unquenchable thirst for a moment in the presence of something that was sincere.

The word authentic is defined by good ole Google as meaning "Of undisputed origin; genuine." Growing up my artistic interests and obsessions could all be easily summed up by that word. They were musicians, dancers and painters that all chose to be themselves in a world that told them that someone else was better.

I was home-schooled for all of my K-12 years and although I wasn't particularly fond of it at the time, I now see that it played a huge part in the type of person that I am today. I didn't grow up in an environment where I was constantly struggling with peer pressure and being bombarded with over-sexualized media and crude language. I grew up being teased only by my siblings and never really having anyone make fun of me for the things I liked.

I was raised in an environment that allowed me to have the space and security I needed to figure out who I was.

Recently, I've struggled with being open and truly authentic on this blog. At times I hold back my thoughts, focus too much on what certain people might think and even worry so much about views that I start to write posts that are just eye catching instead of thoughtful.

I've been thinking a lot about why I started blogging in the first place and that train of thought took me back to my youth and the experiences that guided my life. I did not start this blog with the purpose and intention that lots of people would read it. I started this blog because I wanted it to be a space where I could leave it all on the field.

A place where I could pour out my ideas, my dreams, my ambitions. I wanted and still want this to be a place where readers can come and find a human not a robot trying to fit the mold of the modern day writer.

I'm constantly tempted to adapt and change in order to be more popular. Just last week I was looking through my blog  history and looking at the posts that have gotten the most views. I was trying to find a trend so that I could continue writing about those topics so that I could continue to get that volume of views and shares. I was actively feeding into the practice of writing for numbers.

I realize now that those posts didn't get 100's of views because I was writing with an agenda but rather because I wasn't. People shared them and wrote to me about them because they could see my heart in the words and could hear my voice in it's tone.

I started 'Give the grave only bones' because of my love for authenticity and the way that it has inspired and directed my life. If that spirit is lost or is pushed to the side, this whole thing something that I love and enjoy doing so much, will simply become a chore. A task that becomes exhausting and eventually too much work to continue.

My unique upbringing and the art that I consumed during it has paved the way for me to live a life that is my own. A life that is genuine, sincere, vulnerable and most importantly authentic.

I pray that God continues to give me a heart that is tender to the things of this world that are real. The things that beat to a different drum and shine with colors anew. Things that remind me that to try and be a copy is to reject the gift that comes with originality.

God could have easily made us all the same. He could have given us all the same skin color and personalities and fingerprints, but he didn't. He didn't do that because he sees the value in diversity and the beauty of our differences.

I wasn't created to fit a mold. I was created to thrive and to share my unique perspective with the world. I feel so blessed to be able to share my thoughts and ideas in this space every single week. The people who read this have been so supportive and loving with their kind words and comments and I'm so grateful for that.

I'm the culprit in this current dilemma. I'm the one that put pressure on myself and let the thoughts and lies of conformity take root in my heart. That all stops today. Authenticity can be scary but compared to the other options it's truly the only route, as an artist, that I'm allowing myself to take.

"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." -Brene Brown.

The heart of life.

Four years ago, I was sitting on a bus with my friend from Sweden. We were about two months into our semester traveling the world and he had just found out that his grandmother had passed away.

Not only was he away from his family but he was on another continent, didn't have a working phone and had to utilize emails and Facebook to stay up to date. To say that he was upset would be an understatement.

We sat together on the bus and talked for what seemed like forever. We really didn't spend much time talking about the death of his grandmother but rather we talked about her life. He couldn't stop smiling as he shared with me his memories of her and how glad he was to have had her in his life. Right before the bus stopped and we arrived in our new city we listened to a song together. Although I wasn't the one facing a loss, I couldn't help but to cry.

The song was 'Heart of life' by John Mayer and if you've never heard it, I think it's definitely worth listening to. I don't even know why I'm writing about this because it's not the blog that I planned but this morning I woke up with this story on my mind and this song on my heart, so I feel like I should share.

The first line of the chorus is what impacted me so deeply, it says 'Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around." I think that John Mayer, though at times politically incorrect and wild, was maybe on to something.

I think that we could expand on that line and say that so many things can seemingly grab our hearts and be careless with them, right? Yes, pain throws your heart to the ground but that pain could be caused by our friends, a relationship, our parents, ourselves...the cause of that pain always changes. But love...well love, I truly believe, turns the whole thing around.

I have a hard time focusing on the love when I'm in the midst of pain. As optimistic and silver lining type as I am, when it comes to matters of the heart I'm easily derailed. I'm often quite numb to things that are emotionally too painful or sad and it's because I choose to be that way. When I actually feel it all...when I allow it to hit me like a ton bricks I'm usually pretty undone.

So to wake up thinking about that day and my friend smiling and having so much joy in spite of his pain, I'm reminded of the power of love. Love does not say that there will never be pain, that you will never have hard days but rather that it will be with you in the midst of it.

Love is making the tough decision, even though it may be painful because you know it's the right thing to do. Love is choosing to open yourself up to the possibilities of life. Love is choosing to not be numb with someone... even though you were with everyone else. Love is allowing yourself to bask in the memories of the good times even when you're facing the end.

I think that for this next season of my life God is really encouraging me to not have a heart that is numb and easily derailed but rather to allow him to give me one that is steady.

 The word steady is defined as being "firmly fixed, supported, or balanced; not shaking or moving." What a powerful definition. Now the song on my lips is 'Steady Heart' by Steffany Gretzinger and particularly the line that says "I can't see what's in front of me. Still I will trust you." The chorus goes on to say "Steady heart that keeps on going, steady love that keeps on holding, lead me on."

The Lord often speaks to me through songs and art and today is no exception. I think that what he's leading me to with these songs is that for too long I've had a heart that was rocky and easily moved. But if I allow myself to trust him, even when I can not see, he'll give me a heart that's firmly fixed and supported.

A heart that is steady.

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord." | 1 Corinthians 15:58

Here's to 'Happily ever after.'

"When the time comes for me to fall in love, I hope I love the way I learned to ride a bike. Scared but reckless."

I've idolized love and marriage my entire life. I've thought of it as the ultimate goal, the place where every wrong would be turned right, every tear would have meaning, every sad day would be washed away. I would dream about the dress, walking down the aisle with my dad, my mom crying in the front row..for as long as I can remember all I've ever wanted was to get married.

As I sit here writing this I think it's so insane that so many little girls are raised with marriage in the forefront of their minds. Not necessarily because their parents beat them over the head with the idea but rather because culture and media does. I was raised watching Disney movies and other films that didn't have swearing or sex scenes but almost all ended with a girl meeting some wonderful guy and falling in love and most importantly living happily ever after.

Since I was little I've associated marriage with living happily ever after and who doesn't want living happy to be their goal?

Man, was I way off.

This year I had the honor and the privilege of attending four weddings. It was so cool to see some of my closest friends vow forever to each other in front of their family, their friends and in front of God. I cried, I wore bridesmaid dresses, I danced until my feet were killing me but not once did I think "I wish that was me."

My views on marriage and love have changed so much this year. It has gone from being something that I was striving for and arranging my life in order to get to, to instead being something that's now on the back burner.

Falling in love and getting married will never complete me. It won't. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Once I learned that undeniable truth, I was able to dive head first into the things that truly bring me peace, completion and so much happiness.

This weekend while I was watching my college roommate get married I was so happy for her. I was genuinely filled to the brim with happiness because I knew that there wasn't even a hint of jealousy in me. It wasn't there because I'm no longer living in this world as half of a person searching for the other parts of me.

I talked to my best friend, who just got married in March, about this topic and she gave me an interesting perspective. She affirmed my feelings that the idea of being incomplete is a turn off but then said that instead of that person completing you think of it as them complimenting you, which I loved.

She also reminded me that God works through the people in our lives and believes that he uses our friends and spouses to help us where we're weak and to build us up where we may be torn down. Just like he used her and this conversation to help me see how marriage is not completion but it's definitely a partnership and an opportunity for two people to grow not only as individuals but together.

The Lord has been working in my heart so much this year and has been pouring his love over me in such a mighty way that it reminds me of how it's impossible for anyone on this earth to love me more than him. I think that the person that I am now could actually be in a healthy and life giving relationship because I'm able to love others from a place of completion compared to scarcity.

So here's to allowing our forever person to compliment us instead of asking them to take on the daunting and assigned to God task of completing us. Here's to happily ever after.

Until next time. Xoxo.

The Denver dreamer.

The morning sun shines bright through my window
I'm awake
I can breathe
I'm alive.

The pain of the night before
seems faint and almost unreal
I can't seem to remember
what the tears were for
what the sadness was about.

As I sit up
wipe my eyes
and take a deep breath
the warmth of a new day envelops me.

It's hard to believe but I'm okay
I'm whole
I'm complete
I'm bursting at the seams with love and light.

With this new horizon comes the joy
the hope
the excitement
for the potential that each new day holds

With yesterdays end
comes the promise of today's start
and it's there that I set my eyes
it's there that I place my hope
it's there that I leave the sadness and expectantly embrace the joy.

I'm letting go and it's in that release
that I'm free.