Thursday, December 22, 2016

Single women, society and social media.

Last week, on December 16th I got the most likes I've ever gotten on a post, 407  to be exact. I changed my status from single to in a relationship and it seemed like everyone I know took notice.

Social media and I have quite the strange relationship. It's one of my favorite things because of the way that it gives me access to my friends and family that are scattered all over the globe as well as to ideas and concepts from people that I may never meet.

I love posting pictures on Instagram and posting blog updates and life updates on Facebook and reading the updates of my friends and family. It's cool to be able to update a bunch of people at once about what's going on, especially when you don't have time to call or text all of them individually. What I don't love is the way that it can be used as an avenue for hate and discord and how it has the ability to give us a false sense of community and connection.

This week I found myself waist deep in some feelings that I didn't really expect to have. This year I've been so excited to post about different things that are going on in my life. In March I got a new job with Goodwill and I've been loving every minute of it. I moved into an adorable little carriage house in a suburb of Denver and started adulting hardcore. I helped plant a church in Denver in September and it's been one of the most enriching and out of my comfort zone experiences of my life so far.

None of that got anywhere close to the attention or likes that Patrick and I's relationship update got and that kind of made me feel a little weird.

I've talked to a few people about this, my dad, Patrick and a few of my coworkers and it's so interesting the value that is put on a female getting into a relationship, getting married or having children. When so many people commented on my relationship status, I was excited but it also made me feel like none of my other accomplishments compared to this one.

Am I reading too much into this? Or is there a real issue with society and the way that we view and value the accomplishments of single women?

I loved being single. I was happy, fulfilled, content and so driven. I didn't start living when I got into a relationship, it has definitely added to my happiness and I hope that it will for years to come but it didn't create it.

I'm not annoyed that so many people reached out when I started dating Patrick, believe me I totally get it, but it did force me to reflect on a few things.

As I write this, I realize that I'm guilty of everything that I'm blogging about. I've called and congratulated friends about engagements and baby announcements and sometimes have only liked or even over looked posts about graduations, or new jobs or life ventures. I haven't always been the feminist and supportive friend that I've hoped to see in the world and for that I feel bad.

So I'm sorry if you're a female and my friend and I haven't congratulated you on all of the milestones that you've reached in life. If I didn't reach out after you bought your own house, finished graduate school, paid off your student loans or did something that was truly amazing I apologize.

You're more than your relationship status, that's apart of your story but it's not your ENTIRE story.

So yes, I am in a relationship. I'm beyond excited about Patrick and the potential that I see in what we have. I'm more than open to talk and share about the relationship and I'm also really excited to talk about everything else going on in my life.

This post isn't meant to condemn anyone. If you reached out to me recently about what's going on in my life, please know that I appreciate you. What this is meant to do is to just be a space where I can be open and authentic about what I'm feeling and how recently in the midst of a really happy moment I found myself feeling strange.

So there you go, those are my thoughts for this week. They're not so pretty this time, a little rough around the edges but they're real and I hope that's good enough.

Until next time! Xoxo.


  1. This is truly amazing!! I love you and I really enjoying seeing all the great things you've accomplished! πŸ˜™πŸ˜™πŸ˜™

    1. Love you too! I'm the worst at sending things! Keep me accountable, I need to put your book in the mail ASAP!

    2.'s all good! Lol...I just thought about it today and was going to reach out to you.

  2. "I's" is not a word. It's "Patrick's and my relationship." Social media feeds only the ego. Why does it matter so much to you how many likes you get on anything? The only opinion on your accomplishments that matters is your own.

    1. Thank you for correcting me! Honestly, grammar is not a strong suit of mine and I'm working on it so I absolutely appreciate the correction.

  3. Nicole. I loved all your accomplishment and I have most enjoyed your travels, doings, and goings. I envied you but lived it through you. I missed out on the single life until now and I am 61. I didn't do it as you did it and gain so much from it. However you took me there. You gave me what I failed to get on my own. I will never regret the investment so long ago into what you wanted with all your heart. Bold little solider. You dared and it encouraged me to go it alone because now I have to. Gone is the husband - hey that's life. Gone are the children - they be grown and on their own now with lives. I see them but life is life. For the first time ever in my life I went away to another state - Arkansas - gurllll - Confederate Flags and all. I had a desire to go to the Diamond Crater Park. I tried to get someone to go. They wanted to but timing. It was always timing for 5 years. So I planned it and went. Air flight - hotel - rental car and all alone in a place I am clueless about. Child it was the best natural and spiritual experience I have had. No diamond found but other precious stones that God allowed me to discover as I learned to shift dirt, clay and mud - I learn about his process for me and us. Then as I dug and sat I cried because the "find" was not about me finding the diamond - big or small. The "find" was to find me the most precious find to him and myself. I would not have done it had I had not envied you in a good way. So as you now go on to companionship you take much and for this I am most happy for you. Don't be discouraged. We liked the post because you deserve it.