Wednesday, December 24, 2014

But first...

If I come across too strong and give the impression of intimidation
Before your words rebuke, remember to
build me up.

When I speak words of hate, with rage in my voice
Before your words destroy me, instead please try to
build me up.

If I make a mistake, that affects those around me
Before your words light up my flaws, I beg you to first
build me up.

Lately I've been thinking about people in my life and the ones whose words have made the biggest impact on me and the way that I live. I came up with a list of people who always and I mean always make deposits into my love tank. People who do their best to make me the best person that I can be. Whether that's by giving me a compliment, sitting down and talking with me, sharing words of encouragement, praying with me or giving me feedback.

Notice that feedback is at the end of this rich list. The reason for that is, because I feel like I finally understand that it's when someone truly loves you and not just with words but with actions as well that you're able to take the things that they say, that are meant for your good and apply them to your life.

This is the way that I want to live my life. I don't want to be the person walking around with a magnifying glass, looking for the flaws of those around me. Instead I want to show love and kindness to everyone that I encounter, leaving them better than how I found them so that my words always build them up and never destroy them. I want to always be someone that's fighting next to the people I love, not the person they're defending themselves from.

"Better than a thousand useless words is one word that gives peace."

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Running a one man race

Lately, the issue of race in America has been the topic of major discussion. Police brutality, African Americans as targets specifically black's been on every social media outlet and news source.
Race in's 2014 and yet we still don't know where we stand on this topic as a country.

I like to think of myself as someone who speaks up when I see, hear about, or even read about injustice. I have this instinct in me where I get informed, I do more research, I get emotionally invested and then I can't shut up about it.

Well, for a while I stayed far away from any topics of race. I've always wanted to be so much more than just a minority in this world. I didn't want to be judged, discriminated against or even thought about as just a black girl...I wanted to be so much more.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I was so used to not being the norm, to not being the desired complexion, to not having dance tights that matched my skin, to not being able to find the right foundation, I was used to not being the norm...but just because I was used to it didn't mean I liked it. I liked being different but in ways that I could control, the fact that I couldn't control what color my skin was, just made me feel insecure and that made me run away from anything that associated me with being black.

Once I became aware of the fact that I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, I did a lot of soul searching. Wow, even now I have butterflies in my stomach writing this because I always grew up with so many different races and types of people that for a long time I didn't even notice race..and then I noticed it. Noticing it made all the difference.

One day I just had to look in the mirror and say to myself. "I'm Black. My name is Nicole Magloire and I am a black American female. My mother, the strongest woman I know is black. My father, the person that I respect more than anyone in this world, is black." I lied, I had to say it more than once for more than one day.

Coming to terms with the fact that I'm black didn't completely change the way that I interacted with the world around me but instead made all the difference in the way that I viewed myself. I found it easier to be passionate about issues in the black community even if they didn't affect my family because they impact people who look like me, people that I relate too. Accepting what I looked like, skin and all was exactly what I needed to finally be able to love myself.

Once I came to terms with the fact that I'm black, I was reminded of what it's like to be human in a world that doesn't always value your skin, that doesn't always embrace your face. I was saddened by the realization that at times when I was being pushed down by the media or insensitive jokes I joined in, instead of being my own hero.

I write this with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart because I have faith in humanity and more importantly faith in God and I refuse to believe that things won't get better. I'm not running a one man race, I'm surrounded by my brothers and sisters, some look like me...others don't. Yet here we are, asking for more. Begging for peace. Standing up against injustice. Fighting for a cause that hits closer to home than any other one has. America, it's time to change.

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Into the water we go...

We used to rely on more than words
We took hold of the glances
the smiles
and the warm embraces

When distance was non existent
We often went without speaking
The silence filling our veins
Pumping forever straight to our hearts

We had each other
and for what seemed like forever
That was more than enough
Until it wasn't

Then what seemed timeless
Became temporary
and the numbers became fuel
for the countdown

That eventually ended us.

Then just like that
The words we used to build us
Turned into the phrases
That destroyed us...

And before either of us could save it
Us drowned.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Oh, to be more than just cute.

Whenever I see my niece Emma, my monster best friend, there are a few things that we always talk about. I always tell her that she's beautiful, I always tell her that she's smart, I always tell her that she's talented and that she can do whatever she wants in the world. Emma is only three.

Sometimes when I leave my sisters house in tears, because I almost always cry when I leave them, I sometimes wonder if I'm doing too much. I wonder if maybe it's not that important to always tell her that's she's not only cute but she's smart as well. Maybe she can just be a little girl and they're cute.

But then I slap some sense into myself and I realize that it's never to early to hear that you are valued for more than just what you look like. I love spending time with my niece, not just because she's cute...but because she's opinionated and outspoken. Emma, my monster face, is insightful and creative, she always wants to know the "why" behind every situation and she rarely takes no for an answer. My little Emma is so much more than just cute.

I rarely get to see her because I travel for a living and I'm only home for three weeks every six months and I want the time that I spend with her to be more than just fun. I want those moments to be filled with laughter and love and with words that build up her tiny little soul and feed her self esteem so that when she's older and someone calls her a name she can brush it off because she knows better.

When I become a mother and I have a daughter of my own, I hope that she is surrounded by people that deposit into her love bank. I hope that she is saturated in love for those around her, for this world and of course for herself.

Emma is the sword fight champion, sass machine, wrestle queen, Fowler family song bird and so much more than just cute!

"Beauty is a radiance that originates from within and comes from inner security and strong character."

Saturday, December 13, 2014


And I'll write to you everyday until I'm convinced that you heard me
and when my words burn
leaving scars
like wounds across your skin
I hope you remember
Than even now
you still have to earn me.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Talkative Tim.

I like to talk. I like to talk a lot. Anyone who knows me or who has spent any amount of time around me can testify to the fact that I have an opinion about most things and I'm pretty okay with sharing that with those around me. 

Well today I decided to be quiet for a second. I sat on my bed and I just escaped to the silence and I let myself hear how loud life can be when you stop using words for a change. My life has been a series of words and sentences flowing from my lips like water from a broken faucet. I like to think that more often than not I have something important to say but there are times, so many times, where I say things that don't matter, things that hurt, things that I didn't think long enough about. 

So today, when I had the chance instead of uttering words I just didn't say a thing. Instead I just allowed myself the opportunity to reflect and to think and to try and process all that I was feeling. I found that in that moment even after some thought I still didn't have the words so I still didn't speak. I realized that if i wouldn't have taken the time to reflect that I would have just said something and that something wouldn't have been a true representation of my feelings because I had no idea how I felt. 

I'm in awe of the fact that for someone like me, someone who feels so much so often, that in a moment I was left emotionless.

 So there I was, emotionless and speechless all in the same day, at the same time. My life is my own and that's what I like the most about it and as I grow and mature as a person I'm so glad that I'm strong enough and have the courage to examine myself. Because sometimes the moment calls for the most well prepared speech or spur of the moment rant and other times you just have to shut up and hear the silence. 

"I've begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all it's own." 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

5 years shy of the dirty thirty.

47 days ago, I reached a pretty big milestone in my life. I turned 25. In the days and weeks approaching this big day, so many people told me that 25 felt different.

"You won't feel the same," my host mom said and my personal favorite from my host dad "you'll either feel like you've accomplished a lot or you'll feel like a big loser."

In my mind, 25 was just another birthday but everyone around me said that it was quite different compared to the others. I was wrong and they were right. 25 is different, very different. Not because I'm overly accomplished or a big loser, but instead because with age comes responsibility.

When I turned 25, less than 50 days ago in a school in Cuba,  I was reminded that the world never stops moving. Age gave me a slight nudge and reminded me of the lists that I made as a teenager of all the things that I wanted to do before I turned 30. Most of the things on that list are no longer important to me and really it's not about the list at all, instead it's about the things that we're supposed to do as humans on this earth.

When I turned 25, on October 26th, I woke up in a hot room covered in sweat and surrounded by 11 girls from 7 different countries. I was on my 6th world tour with the organization I work for Up with People and we were just about to wrap up our Cuba tour and head to Europe. I entered my 25th year in a place that not only challenged me physically but emotionally and mentally as well, I turned 25 completely out of my comfort zone and doing something I believed in.

For me that's a sign. Now that I'm 25 and not getting any younger, I want to keep devoting my life to the things that matter to me. I want to be brave enough to protest when I think that an injustice has occurred, Brave enough to speak up for something that I'm passionate about even if my opinion is the minority and an unpopular one. I want to be brave enough to love those around me allowing myself to be vulnerable even if it means possibly getting hurt. I want to be brave enough to stand up for what I believe in even if it means I'm standing alone.

When I turned 25 the world didn't turn upside down and everything suddenly became that didn't happen at all. Instead, God blessed me with another year of life and the reminder that there are no dress rehearsals in life, I just get one try at this thing. So I can either live my life as someone who gets a second chance, someone who believes that one day 'someone' out there will make a difference, or I can go all in and be the change.

"Two paths diverged in the woods and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all of the difference."