Thursday, August 27, 2015

For God so loved the world...

When all else fails
and my feet won't hold my body
when the ground underneath me shakes
and I can't see what's before me

I'll lift my eyes to you
and find solace in your presence
my heart will not faint
and my soul will not grow weary
instead it will find joy in your unfailing love

Oh the peace that floods my soul
as I hide in your embrace.
my strength and my redeemer
lover of my soul.

I'm not sure if I believe that words can ever truly express the way that The Lord truly loves us. As humans we're programmed and constantly exposed to conditional love to the point to where when we are presented with a love that is as pure as God's and we hear that it's's often hard to believe.

At least that's how I felt. The idea that God loves me because of who I am, flaws, mistakes, disobedience, sinful lifestyle and all at one point was unbelievable for me. So for years I lived this Christian lifestyle that allowed me to fear God but didn't allow me to be loved by him. The other night I was in my bed crying, overwhelmed by God's love for us and I couldn't believe that for years I lived without his warm embrace, not because he didn't offer it to me but rather because I refused to take it.

The Lord has taught me so much these last few weeks about love and who he is and I'm so amazed by how simple it all is. When I read the gospels and see how Jesus interacted in this world and the instructions he gave his disciples I see that we as humans complicate faith and make it hard to grasp. We think that we have to be perfect or that we're not good enough for him, yet The Lord is asking for us to simply come to him and he'll do the rest.

I love the fact that The Lord doesn't ask us to have it all figured out but rather he asks that we trust him and allow his perfect will to work in our lives. Thank you Lord for your grace and your love and the fact that you loved us so much that you gave your only son to die for our sins. Words can not contain you and that's the beauty of all that you are. .

John 3:16.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

I don't deserve you...yet you're mine.

From the inside out I'll save a space for you
I'll carve out the bad
and leave room for you
my being becoming a place for you
to lead me in your will
and erase the pain
of me trying to guide myself.

If I use up all that's left of me
to make my life an example of your love
Than all of me would be used
to portray you and your ultimate sacrifice
and what an honor it would be.

One day I'll die
and when I open my eyes I'll be in your arms
and my 80 or so years will pale in comparison to eternity
Eternity in your perfect presence.

So carve out the bad I will
and prune out the evil that has made a home under my skin
I'll invite you in so that you can search my heart
search my heart and extract all that's not like you.

My heart burns for you
My soul yearns for your presence
My knees buckle at the sound of your name
and as it comes from my human mouth I can't help but feel like we're not worthy
we're not worthy enough to even speak your name
yet you place it on our lips.
We don't deserve to spend forever in your presence
yet you died so that we could.

My mind tries to understand your love and it escapes me.
I can't conceive it but I can see it everywhere I turn
and feel it in everything I do.

I don't deserve you
yet you're mine
and I am yours.

Oh to spend eternity with you,
what an unearned reward...
what a loving God.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Love has a name.

From ocean to ocean
Bank to bank
I've searched

Under every rug
and behind every wall.

Inside every box
and between the pages of every book,

I searched for a purpose
in a world filled with darkness and hate.

I longed for warmth
in the arms of the devil and all of his agents.

I slept at the feet of the broken
hoping that together we'd become whole.

I sought something that would make me complete
something that would add the remaining 24 letters to the inadequate alphabet that was me.

Yet all along there you were
in every dirty situation that I put myself in
that left me broken and confused.

There you were
when scarred hands caressed my sinful body
trying to give me peace.

There you were
when the alcohol blazed fires down my throat
and took erasers to my memory.

Yet I didn't see you

You called my name
and yet I didn't hear you.

You reached out your hand for me
and yet I didn't take it.

Until I did.

Until one day the pain
became too much.

Until one day, the filth
became too much.

Until one day
the thought of living another day without you
became too much.

And it made all the difference.

Your love came down from heaven
and became human for me.

Your love looked at my sins
and washed them away.

Your love took my reflection
which I called flawed
and made it beautiful.

Oh the blood that was shed for us
that we may be called sons and daughters of Christ.

When I came to you with an open heart
and tear stained cheeks
you took my hand
and changed my life.

And what a life it has become.

I thought I was living...
Now I know that I am.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Fictional tales

"You can't undo a fall like this!"
They screamed trying to warn me
Because apparently love
Since it can sometimes hurt
Is something worth warning about 

I didn't want too but i heard their voices
And it clouded my judgement 
When i first laid eyes on you
Your smile, though endearing 
Held traces of a warning that finally made sense and was clear

I didn't mean to leave you there
Endearing smile and all
Hands outstretched 
Expecting my embrace
Left empty and scarred

I could love you better
But only if my heart 
Was empty and unafraid

But those voices in my head
And their cautious warnings
Left me fearful instead

So I'll love you like I love the rest
In inhales and exhales as I run
Maybe you should have listened to the voices
Like I did
Instead of opening up
And coming undone