The words will fall out of me
like rain from the sky.
Each letter playing it's part
to form the words
that can't wait to be heard
can't wait to be said.
The mind stops us
from looking silly
from making mistakes
it also can stop us from setting someone free
from opening the gate that guards the heart
Sometimes we need less mind
less holding back
Writing for me is easy. I can put my feelings in a letter or in a text. I can outline a blog and convey my thoughts in a way that is clear where my intentions are easy to understand.
When it comes to speaking, it's not as simple. I think a little too much, reword a bit too often and more likely than not I can utter a sarcastic comment quicker than I can get a loving word to free itself from my tongue.
I wrote the opening poem about two weeks or so after I started dating Patrick. The beginning of our relationship was such a whirlwind. I had never met someone like him before, never had someone be so open about their feelings and their intentions. Where he would openly share a piece of his heart I would share a stale smile or an awkward giggle, never knowing how to fully put my feelings into words.
His patience and consistency has made disclosing my feelings easier but even after four months together and months of 'I love you's' it's still not exactly easy.
That's the cool thing about love though, it's not easy. It's also not exactly hard. It's uncomfortable and challenging and a growing experience. Love, I've learned, will stretch you and teach you and push you to be a better version of yourself.
It's not two pieces fitting perfectly together with no adjustments or additions needed. It's two imperfect people coming together despite their flaws and trying to build something beautiful.
Yes, I struggle saying the words, initiating the cuteness and the heart moments but I do it. I do it because I know how amazing it feels when Patrick is open and vulnerable with me, it makes me feel like he trusts me. Like he trusts me to safe guard his words and to not return his investment with empty stares and completely opposite feelings.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I need to try. Try a bit harder to step outside of my comfort zone and invest in a relationship that really matters to me. Try to utter the words that are often difficult to say but are without a doubt felt. Words that convey my trust in him, in his consistency and his integrity. Words that share just a little bit more soul and a lot more heart.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. " - C.S. Lewis.