Friday, April 22, 2016

That time I wrote about him.

Three days after I got home from studying abroad with Up with People in 2011, I met a guy. On September 14th of 2013, I wrote this about him.

I planned to write about you
To put you on a page. 
But then I realized that my words
 were nothing
compared to you. 

You were everything and nothing 
all at once
and I don't know how to explain that. 

We developed out of nowhere and ended just as soon

Walking away from you was the only decision I made 
through the whole thing
that was planned, well thought out. 

Being a part of your life was the hardest thing I'd ever done and
leaving it...
was just as difficult. 

I wish we could have started out as friends 
and just stayed there. 

We would have been such good friends. 

But instead we went too fast
people said we'd crash 
and we screamed at them we wouldn't 

But then we did. 

And the fire burned us up
but our bodies were saved
and all that was torched was our hearts. 

My intention was to spit you out and leave you here
but just like all of our plans
it just won't work. 

I apologize for yesterday
and all the day's before
and even more for the tomorrow's that we never had. 

Our choices
OUR decisions
led to our demise
and the dramatics that followed
led to nothing being left behind. 

In the end all I have are memories
and a faint heart shaped scar embedded in my chest. 

You were all of it
and then none of it
and it seemed to happen way too soon and all at once. 

We were drowning with our heads up 
and our eyes wide open
hoping that our feet
would eventually hit the bottom
 of an endless pool

The dreams of an optimist...

If I could go back in time and repack every word
I'm sure it would end the same

You told me that I'd always be the one that got away 
and I can't seem to shake that

But the truth is
I was not your one
and neither were you mine

So I'll say the kind of goodbye that seems temporary 
but somehow just lasts forever
and take my suitcase of words and walk away. 

Behind me is only you

Behind you is only me

But ahead of us...
the road is paved
with untouched concrete and possibilities 

1 comment:

  1. hhmmmm...I seem to be having a hard time to find words with this one. I find myself very captured by your use of words, language and the passionate poetic feel to this one. There are only two things coming to me in terms of a response.

    One, this feels like a sliver of a moment that came, made it's mark and left. Second, I am getting a strong image of this being written on an old type writer (type writer font) and the moment the paper is lifted off from the typewriter it starts to burn ferociously. Then the paper disintegrates and all that remains is a black mark engraved on the floor.

    That is the image that came very strongly and sometimes I don't have words for what is written. So take that image I just gave you and you don't necessarily need to give meaning to it - just reflect on if there is something that wants to emerge in response to what I wrote - maybe there is something? maybe there isn't? maybe there is an in between feeling of the two. That is all.