Last week when my parents were in town I was in a store with my mom and I was beyond annoyed that my dad was taking forever to pick out a hat. So there I was, huffing and puffing around and just getting more and more frustrated and when I told my mom how annoyed I was, she looked at me and laughed and said "Nikki, you really need to learn to have some patience."
When she said that I started laughing too, half because I just think that she's the funniest person in the universe and the other half was because I knew that she was right. Sometimes, I have a really hard time being patient with people.
Times where I struggle being patient: when I'm hot, when I'm hungry, when I'm tired, when I'm trying to stick to a schedule, when I'm trying to make others stick to a schedule etc...you get the point.
When I was in the store that day with my parents I was impatient because I was trying to take them to Red Rocks and in my mind it was imperative that we got their quickly. I was impatient and rushing them because I had their best "tourist interests" at heart, or at least that's what I told myself.
But the real question is, what's the rush?
Was Red Rocks going anywhere? Did we have an important dinner that we had to get to after? Why couldn't I just relax and have some patience?
Those are all questions I mulled over for a while after my mom's comment. I didn't feel condemned by what she said but rather convicted and here's what I've come up with so far.
My impatience at times lies very heavily in the fact that I don't know how to deal with not being in control. I so much enjoy being in the driver's seat, literally and figuratively. I avoid uncertainty, I plan ahead, I don't ask for advice often and I enjoy spontaneity most when I'm the driving force of it.
However, the more I reflect, I realize that this is not how I want to continue to be.
As I'm growing in my faith my biggest road block lately has been my resistance and apprehension about giving God permission to guide my life. It's so hard for me to imagine waking up each day and asking anyone what I should do or how I should act throughout the day, even God. The reason why is because I struggle with trusting that God will take me to heights higher than where I can take myself.
Trust is not something that I've mastered and honestly until recently it wasn't at all something that I was even open too but now.... well now I am and it's making all the difference.
The other day I met with my church family and we talked about this together. I shared how I was feeling and after the meeting I cried with one of my dear friends about this and she spoke so much life and truth into my heart. You see, this walk with Christ is all about faith.
That might seem like a simple truth but when you put it into practice and aim to walk it out everyday, this faith thing is more than just going to church. Faith is believing that God will always have a better plan for us than we have for ourselves. Faith is the daily decision to follow a Savior that you can't see. Faith is telling yourself that even if you can't feel a difference or see an improvement that God is surely at work in your life.
Faith is more than just a weekly church service, it's a seven days a week, rain or shine, life or death resolve to follow Christ.
For me, faith is about letting go of control. This faith journey is centered around accepting Christ and trusting that God will never and I truly mean never ask us to go where his grace can't sustain us.
Romans 15:13 says "I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
I don't know where God is going to ask me to go in this life, but today I make a decision to trust him and to be an obedient passenger on this road trip of life.
This week I invite you to explore your life. Take some time these next few days to reflect on where you've been, who you've met and where you're going. Most importantly, if you will, I encourage you to explore where you can have less control and invite more trust into your life.
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future, to a known God." Corrie ten Boom.